Vienna, Virginia (2012)

From FB:

“The screaming child was the first thing I heard.

I’d overslept until 6 AM and didn’t have time for breakfast, so I had to grab a bite at the café in my building. I was waiting for my food when I first heard the little kid in the pink jacket begin wailing. Her mother was standing at the register with a cell phone pressed between her ear and shoulder as she rummaged through her oversized handbag for something.

The woman at the register waited impassively with a thin Buddha smile on her face.

I watched the mother for what seemed like an eternity as she continued to talk on the cell phone while languidly rifling through her bag. When my order was ready, I moved behind her to pay for my food and noticed that I could see a large portion of her ass crack as it peeked out above her too tight, too small jeans.

No underwear. Classy.

The woman kept talking on her phone and digging through her handbag for what seemed ages. I looked on the counter. There was a single chocolate milk and a one dollar bill. The register read “$1.77”.

As amused as I was by the entire absurd spectacle of her arrogance and obliviousness as to what her selfish actions were requiring others to do, I knew I held my fate in my own right buttcheek.

Employing a bit of sarcastically dramatic flair, I dug into my wallet, pulled out a single dollar bill, and laid it heavily on the counter. The lady at the register quickly snatched up both bills and mouthed the words, “Thank you,” to me.

With bovine indolence, the woman on the cell phone slowly turned her head to me and said, “Thank you.” Then she spoke into her cell phone. “Yeah, uh, some man just gave me a dollar.”

“No problem,” I said, waiting for her to leave.

As the lady at the register rang up the order, the woman on the cell phone held out her hand.

She kept my change and walked away.”