“Deep narcissists have a sharp break in their early development and they never quite construct a consistent and realistic feeling of self. Their mothers or fathers might be deep narcissists themselves, too self-absorbed to acknowledge the child to encourage its early efforts at independence. In childhood, if such narcissists are extroverts, they can function reasonably well, and even thrive. They become masters at attracting notice and monopolizing attention. They can appear vivacious and exciting. In a child, such qualities can seem a signal of future social success. But underneath the surface, they are becoming dangerously addicted to the hits of attention they stimulate to make them feel whole or worthy.
The nightmare for deep narcissists generally arrives in their twenties and thirties. They have failed to develop that inner thermostat, a cohesive sense of self to love and depend on. The extroverts must constantly attract attention to feel alive and appreciated. They become more dramatic, more exhibitionistic and grandiose. They can even become tiresome and pathetic.
You can recognize deep narcissists by the following patterns: If they are ever insulted or challenged, they have no defense, nothing internal to soothe them or validate their worth. They generally react with great rage, thirsting for vengeance, full of a sense of righteousness. This is the only way they know how to assuage their insecurities. They are prickly and oversensitive. Almost everything is taken personally. You see an impatient or distant look on their face whenever you talk about something that does not directly involve them in some way.
They can be prone to vicious bouts of envy if they see others getting the attention they feel they deserve. They frequently display extreme self-confidence. But beware if this confidence is ever truly put to the test.
They have a hard time focusing their attention outward for long periods of time, and to deal with the impatience and anxiety that comes from work. Such types tend to change jobs and careers quite frequently, or drop out of the job market entirely. This becomes the nail in their coffin – unable to attract genuine recognition through their accomplishments, they are constantly looking to the past and inflating what they once accomplished or are forever thrown back on the need to artificially stimulate attention.
Deep narcissists can be annoying and frustrating to deal with; they can also be quite harmful if we get too close to them. They entangle us in their never-ending dramas and make us feel guilty if we are not continually paying them attention.
The best solution in such cases is to get out of their way, once we identify them.”
– Robert Greene
Song Of Ajax 